


that wasn't the plan.

by Wetastethefreedomnow



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Endgame didn't happen, M/M, infinity war didn't happen, the accords weren't signed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-01-31 18:08:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18596665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wetastethefreedomnow/pseuds/Wetastethefreedomnow
Summary: Steve and Bucky go on a mission together, and things go wrong. Bucky thinks it's his fault and he starts to feel bad. And he thinks he should tell him what he feels for him if he gets another chance.-I'm obviously terrible at writting summaries-





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, there! 
> 
> Civil war happened, but the accords were refused. Steve and Bucky work together, and all the Avengers live under the same roof.

That wasn't the plan. Far from it, everything went south. But what was the plan again? Ah yeah of course. Sneak in the compound discreetly, not draw any or very little attention from the agents. Take what they came for, and get out of here unnoticed. But since when did anything went according to plan? They were part of the Avengers. Well, kinda. Bucky not so much, but Steve was. And everybody knows things never go according to plan. No sir. Well, in this kind of situation, what you gotta do is stay focus, improvise and shoot straight. Not that easy when hydra agents are coming from every corner of the room. Steve and Bucky were fighting those guys, putting them K.O one after the other. But those dudes are like cockroaches. You kill one and you see two more walking in. 

They had just came here to get back some intel on a supposedly chimical weapon. Well, now they had the intel, they needed to get out of here. Lives depended on them getting out of here. They managed to clear a path, run away from this place. 

"Steve you go first! I got your back!"

As usual. At least he tried. He had to. It was Steve after all. His steve. The punk he befriended almost a century ago. His small friend, too dumb to run away from a fight. His best friend he took upon himself to protect. His best friend who was dumb enough to let people experiment on him just so he could joined the army. His best friend who rescued him and whom he died for. Well, a part of him died at least on that day, on that train. And what came after that was awful, truly awful. Not just a cold blooded murderer. No. But asoulless assassin working for Hydra. Steve alway reminded him that what he did all those years wasn't him. He was brainwashed, controlled by someone else. A puppet. Bucky knew that. But still, he could remember them. All the people his hands had killed. It was Steve who broke the brainwashing. It was Steve who looked for him and helped him after that. And now he ought to protect him. It was non-negotiable. Well... at least he wanted to believe it was. But what you believe is not always true. 

They were outnumbered, and yes they were strong, and Steve was almost unbeatable. At least that's how it felt. He had survived the war, he had survived loki and the Chitoris, he had survived Hydra and Ultron. He had to survive this. Right? It was just a simple mission. But they were outnumbered. And one face was all it took. One face. Bucky was face to face with a ghost. His mind went blank for a split second at the sight of one of the men who were present while he was being recalibrated as they called it. It took one split second and everything went south. He was supposed to have Steve's back. He was supposed to cover for him. And Steve was supposed to be unbeatable. 

They had called for backup almost 9 minutes ago. Sam and Natasha were on their way. But it may be too late by the time they got here. For a second or two, it felt like everything went in slow motion around Bucky. First the face of a ghost, then the groan he heard coming out of Steve's mouth. He turned his head to see him. To see his best friend. One knee on the ground and blood coming out of his lower abdomen. No. Steve was unbeatable. Unstoppable. This couldn't be happening. Yet it was. 

"I've been hit!"

Steve's words were echoing in his mind. Bucky got on Auto-pilot mode. He closed the distance between Steve and him, shooting the agent that surrounded them, grabbing the shield protecting himself but mainly Steve. It was his only priority now. Making sure no more bullets reach him. He could get shot, he could die, he deserved it. But Steve? No. Steve didn't deserve it. He had to get out of here alive. He had to. Backup finally arrived. Sam and Natasha were finally here. They fought and got Steve out, back to the quinjet and on their way to get medical help. 

"What happened in there?"

Natasha asked. Her voice was harsh. Her friend was unconscious, bleeding all over tge place while she was applying pressure to the wound. 

"It was supposed to be an easy mission! Bucky! What happened?"

She asked again, her tone was even harsher than before. She was right. It was supposed to be an easy mission. But repeating her question was useless. He had heard it the first time. He just couldn't answer. He wasn't even sure of what had happened back there. He was trying to think, to realise what happened but all he could here was Steve's words. "I've been hit!" "I've been hit" over and over again playing in his mind. He tried to make sense of what had happen. To remember what just happened. 

"I- I don't know... I don't know... I saw..."

He couldn't even finish his sentence. What did he saw exactly? He wasn't even sure it was him. The man who pushed the buttons sending electricity through his brain, the pain he caused him. The memories he whipped out without his consent. So yeah... what did he saw? He wasn't sure it was him. He couldn't be sure. His memories were blurry. But that face. For a moment he could have sworn it was him. But everything happened so fast. Maybe it was just his mind pulling trick on him. Making him see things that weren't there. T'challa helped him getting stable. He helped healing him. But maybe they only thought he was fine. 

"What did you see?"

Natasha wanted to clear things out. It was understandable. Two super soldiers sent on an easy mission. One of them got shot. How could this be happening? 

"Huh?" 

Bucky was completely lost. Trying to figure out what he saw. Who he saw. It had to be him. It had to. It wasn't his imagination. It couldn't be. He couldn't have fucked up this bad. 

"Bucky?? What did you see?" 

The quinjet finally landed at the Avengers HQ. A medical team was waiting for them and they got Steve to the medical aisle. 

"It's my fault.... It's my fault!" 

Was all he could utter as they took Steve. Natasha followed and Sam helped Bucky out. He didn't really understand at what moment he got to Steve's bedroom. But here he was. Sitting on his bed, replaying the scene of him getting shot. Over and over again. The man he sought was unbeatable was currently in a critical state. All that because of him. The man he had sworn to protect, to gibe his life for if necessary was between life and death. That was not fair. Steve couldn't leave him. He still needed him. Bucky still neededed him.


	2. Chapter 2

It was dark in the room. The Sun went down over an hour ago and Bucky was still here, crying in the bedroom of his best friend. He didn't move, didn't bother to turn the light on. He felt so guilty for what had happened today. Steve had been shot and it was his fault. What would he do without him? How would he manage to move on? It was Steve. The only constant in his life. The man that always came back to him. No matter what. Death, brainwashing, getting iced. None of that prevented them to get back to each other. It was supposed to be till the end of the line. It couldn't be it. Not because of a momentary lapse of attention. Not because of a bullet. Yet Steve was still in the operation room. They should have brought him in Wakanda. They could have saved him. After all, they helped Bucky, and Ross... so they could have help Steve too. Too late, he was here, in the Avengers HQ. There's one person who would be happy. Thaddeus Ross. The man who pushed for the accords, who launched the civil war with the help of Zemo. In the end they got refused. After the anger and emotion washed off, after every one really took the time to read all those pages... And with a bit of communication between all the interested party... they realised the Accords were a shitty solution. Yet Bucky still had a hard time getting liked... people still wanted him dead. It wasn't that easy. But till today, Steve had been there. Next to him, helping him through everything. And helping Stark to overcome his anger. It was thanks to Steve that he had a place to stay here. Tony and him were still not on speaking terms. They avoided each other. But Tony stopped trying to kill him. Bucky had a hard time facing him, and he understood the anger Tony felt. If Steve didn't make it, Bucky would be all alone again. He wouldn't be able to stay here. To face the others, their sorrow, knowing full well he was responsible for it. 

Today was the worst day of his life. He had been tortured for years before giving into the brainwashing, he had lost friends before, he had face many ordeals. But for Steve, if it could save his life? Oh he would go through all of it again with a smile on his face. Some people might not understand the feelings he had for Steve. Hell! He didn't understood them either. All he knew was that nothing could be worse than losing Steve. He would do whatever it takes to bring him back. Steve was a hero. He was loved and admired by so many people around the world. He was truly one of the mightiest heroes of earth. As for Bucky... he was just a killer. Not many people sympathised with him. If he died tomorrow, nobody would care but Steve and perhaps Natasha and Sam. No one else would be affected. It was probably better that way to be honest. He wished so hard he could give his life to save Steve's. He knew it was impossible though. 

He stayed there, scared about losing the one person he cared the most about on earth. Wallowing in sadness, in the dark. He was pathetic. What would Steve do if Bucky was the one who had been shot? He wouldn't have locked himself in his room crying... no... he would have done something. Found the identities of the men who were there in the hydra location they were at earlier. That's what he should do. If only he wasn't paralyzed. All he could do was stay here, because it was Steve's room. There wasn't much decoration. Only his sketchbooks, and pen... a few old photographs, the howling commandos, Peggy, Steve and Him together, next to another one of them. One was from world war two. Both of them were smiling and both of them looked younger, and less tired. That Bucky still had light in his eyes, his smile was real, he doesn't remember much from that day, just that it was a good day. And it shows on his face. The second photograph was taken a few weeks ago in wakanda... both men smiling. But their smile and eyes weren't as bright as before. Bucky's eyes had some darkness in them. Same face, same body, two different persons. Steve had change as well... but not as much. His face still screamed righteousness and kindness. And he had a beard. That was a big change, and Bucky had to admit that he looked dashing. That man was gorgeous. Whether it was before he left, when Steve was still smaller than him, or when he joined him in the war bigger and stronger than he used to be, or nowadays, with that beard and that suit showing America's greatest ass -this thought made him smile for a second- Steve had always been gorgeous. Bucky just realised that he had gotten up. He went on to look at his sketchbook. Steve was not always keen on showing his drawings. But Bucky wanted to see them. He opened the sketchbook and went through the pages. He had drawn most of the Avengers. Peggy was there too, a few portrait of her. And Bucky was in it. Quite a lot. Sometimes it was just his eyes, or lips drawn on the pages. Other times it was his full face. Some pages were him before the war, and other were him those past years. Steve cared about him, it showed in his drawings. But did he cared as much as bucky did? When he said 'I missed you' did he meant in the same way as Bucky missed him when he wasn't close to him. When he had said 'til the end of the line' on that helicarrier, did he meant it as Bucky did when he said it over 70 years ago on the threshold of Steve's apartment? At the time it was all he could say. Calling him 'pal', yes he was his best friend. However, Bucky felt more than friendship for him. So much more. Back then he couldn't tell him. First he wasn't sure what he would have done if Steve didn't felt the same, but even if he did, hiding away from other people wasn't a proper life. Today things were different. 

"Fuck..." 

Still looking at the drawings, two tears rolled down his cheeks. Today things were different. He didn't have to hide anymore. And he didn't want to lie again. He prayed. He prayed that Steve would get out of that operation room alive. He prayed he would wake up. And when he did, Bucky would tell him the truth. He would tell him how he truly felt for him. He wouldn't lie again. So please, god, or whoever is up there, give me one more chance with him. Just one more chance. 

A knock on the door was heard. The door slowly opened and Bucky wiped away his tears before looking toward who just opened the door. He also closed the sketchbook before fully turning toward Natasha. His eyes full of hopes. Hopes that she would give him good news. For once, no Alien attacks, no Hydra planing to wipe out most of humanity... just one piece of good news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed the second chapter!  
> feel free to leave a comment ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Hope you enjoyed it! ;)


End file.
